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Monday, March 9, 2015

Quick write!!!

It was a lovely evening in ghost springs,sun in the air and fresh smell crawling up your nostrils.

but one day there was a terrible accident , a boat has suddenly sunken down the horror lake.we tried and tried to look for survivors  but there were none

3 days later after that awful mistake i went swimming inside the cold,dark and mysterious I swam through the lake I saw something big, it was strangely  horrifying, it was the most ugliest monster you have ever seen.Then i thought to my self why is there a monster in this horrifying lake and why is it swimming towards me aah, i screamed as i swam for my life running out of air i leaped in to the cold breeze ,but it caught me, i was trapped.”what am i going to do!!!. I struggled to find a way out of this monster trap but how?

So I tried my best and shoved this ugly beast out of the way before i ran out of air and I leaped and took the deepest breath I have ever took in my life ,my heart was racing my face feeling like it was frozen and i feeling that I just escaped from the loch ness monster.

my Goal is to try and lay out my writing better and try to use new paragraphs with new ideas ,I achieved this goal by writing paragraphs with good year 4 level structure .


  1. You have a brilliant capturing hook

  2. Great structure Michael, now you need to think about your punctuation when you edit your writing.